Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
