Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize