good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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