Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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