Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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