I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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