he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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