I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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