who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
