Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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