Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Randomize
