I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
