I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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