Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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