I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
