I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
