omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
