she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish you could order shots online.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
