Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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