Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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