i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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