At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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