have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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