i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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