her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
