he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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