on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
