Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
