I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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