Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
