This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Fuck appropriateness.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
