I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
