I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
