I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize