he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration