I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street