Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN