Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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