Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor