That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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