omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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