Yo dont text me then not text me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
