If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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