I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
