Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
