god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
