it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize