try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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