I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
