If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
