i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
