pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
not ubering you a puppy
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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