Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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