So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
