a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So much Jack, so little girl.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
