Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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