so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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