Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
