My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
