Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
