this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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