i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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