I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
