I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
