im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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