two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
