I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
